We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
