He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
