So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
