nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
