I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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