Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
