It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
