fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
