xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
