How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
