My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
