As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
