That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
