I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
