My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
