i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
