Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
