Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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