Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
