his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
