Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
