I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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