Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
