My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
