it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
