I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
