when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
