Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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