I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
