Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
a search helicopter?!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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