proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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