I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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