I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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