I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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