Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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