Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
