Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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