fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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