you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
