i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
