took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
