She announced her abortion via fbk
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
