i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
