There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
