I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I checked into jail on foursquare
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
