I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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