Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
