Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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