She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
