Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
