I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
