There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
