u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
