just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
