How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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