Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
