All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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