Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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