She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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